The life and times of myself (Warning: Very boring content)

"A little more sleep and a little more slumber;"
Thus he wastes half his days, and his hours without number,
And when he gets up, he sits folding his hands,
Or walks about sauntering, or trifling he stands.
-The Sluggard by Isaac Watts

Sometimes things aren't cracked up to what they should be. The mirage of the much vaunted varsity experience holds a promise that is a distant hope to me. I swing back and forth from my bed to class, juxtaposing the epitome of slothful inactivity agaisnt the highest order of a mental challenge. Thus far, I learn to subsist through this chasm of 'Ecclesiastal' meaningless as I trudge along my meandering life.

Analogous to my habitual jaunts to the gym, my life is a standstill. You may wonder how and why. Like the moderate periods I sweat it out on the treadmill, I run but have not made any headway; in the sense I cannot derive any inner significance from anything whatsoever. It is not the focus of a fitness goal but the lack of appreciation for the strain and fatigue that accompanies it that keeps me running. And most of the time I don't even know why I got started in the first place! Ironic enough, I occasionally reach a stage where I'm too dead, too lazy to get off it. As the days past, even the weights get seemingly heavier. How is it that my physical body has expanded while I am a void space within?

I read law but am actually a member of the school of philosophy which class has no definite year. Through the days, I seek greater depth and insight to life through my irregular and intermittent endeavours at school-work as well as engaging in countless reflections that bring little answers and conclusions. I ruminate about mediocrity, the adversity of the future, the metaphysical, morals, friendships(especially balancing pride with the inherent need for company) and love(something my life has been bereft of due to the greatest limiting factor: I). In rediscovering my primal competitive instincts, I participate in various games of poker where the few tenuous victories somewhat compensate for the emotional vacuum as of late.

In spite of everything, I have one thing to be glad for: my friends. I am inexplicably thankful to God for placing patient and wise friends in my life, who so earnestly advice, motivate and share this friendship with me with the simplicity of heart, even though I may not have measured up to each of your standards of a good friend. It was especially the recent conversations I had with you all(in excess of theamigos), no matter how short, that unfaillingly add the extra spring to my step and assuage my recent gloom.

Yup, you've just read about how someone who can feel that everything is meaningless despite chasing a clear and immediate goal. My lack of activity outside my room could thus be largely attributed to this, which is why I sleep till 2pm daily. In short, I am far from satisfied with my life. I used to hate writing all my life but now I do it as a sustenance of my sanity; it is moments like this where words outpour in the raw from the overflow of my heart. I yearn to cross the border of the illusion of hope and be truly happy, transcendingly joyful. There is so much more to life than material comforts and superficial pleasures.
-Kenneth Wong