Whatever happens..we lose

Well, justin definitely made a point there. A very valid one in fact.. Life is the sum of all choices u make.. afterall..if u chose to bastard someone..there might come a day the bastard dat u bastardised cud come back to u and give u a shell-shock... similarly ..i do have an experience i'd love to share with no embarassment since it has already occured..there's a magician friend i know who was in my same company back in MP... he was the one who first introduced magic to me..but his obnoxious and oblivious behaviour kinda served as an annoyance which caused me to severe all kinds of contact with that ass. But guess wad?..he was the only ass who gave me a present on my birthday..and forced me to meet him with other magician friends...(despite me trying to avoid a meeting with him by lying dat i'm damn busy etc)..so i guess..dat's pretty weird..someone u dislike actually shows some act of grace.. the pangs of guilt is now upon me ...cus i still can't bring myself to tolerate his cocked-up character..haha..it's like people who dislike durians..they wun wanna bring themselves to try out a durian even if u tell them it's the most delicious shit u've ever tasted in this lifetime...when u dislike it..u dislike it..

And if we're taking time to process something (thoughts) which is happening now..and time is ticking..we are living in the future..but our bodies live in the present..and our minds are processing thoughts of the past..(since time is always ticking)...wow..

I tried cable skii-ing 3 weeks back...it was havoc..but if u're new..expect urself to juz drink seawater for an hr or so..haha..it's quite costly..$60 for 2 hrs..and i went to the cable skii park at east coast..the lagoon near the hawker centre...there weren't many singaporeans trying it out..to my expectations..(cus singaporeans are known to be too sheltered and society has engraved some form of fear in the minds-esp toward the exploration of new things).. anyway..lotsa ang mohs..and babes..u cud try it out ..and u shud..at least once though..it's fun..ur arms will ache..with ur back..the next day..(u wun break ur back from it dun worry..else u'll be a broke back)...oh yeah..u have to sign a form which explains that in case u die, they wun care..so expect a few dead bodies floating arnd =)

it'll be more of a relief if u see some bastards u hated to the bone floating arnd too...

i feel as individuals..brought up in this country..or little red dot..there's so much we haven't seen and dared not try..people are always telling u that work can be found once u graduate 9in the context of finding work in singapore) ..but they never tell u how sucky it is..and they leave u to die with the problem when u have found work..and most of the time..the people juz die with the problem..for the vast majority.. unless u have a mindset so positive that u can see a beauty in the drudgeries of the working world..one dat is so positive that it compels u to love and enjoy it till u die.. (wun it be better if u're a horse..like the one in animal farm?..clover was his name, was it?) when i mentioned dat i wud wanna work overseas to the professors in NTU during the tea session..they kind of assured me that work can be found here..and dat everything will be gd here... BUT wad they fail to realise is..we want to live a better life..then we can do the things we really want to do..much easily..or with less worries..cus life here is so competitive due to lack of resources..and we are compelled to juz slog it out in the doldrums...and end each day with a few hrs of sleep and then returning to the doldrums.. droning away

We all think we are so damn good on this island..dat when we go out to the world and flaunt our skills..people question if we're still starting out...perhaps within here..on this dot..the majority are so busy they hardly find the will or time to do things that they want..and can only idolise those who can.. or be envious of them..and then it becomes a dream again...transcient dream.. juz floats away

one more thing abt passion..is dat..when u have passion for something..sacrifices have to be made..and many do not choose to sacrifice things that they are comfortable with..and we always say we are not heroes..or legends...but dat's juz a lie... sometimes in life, u have to sacrifice somethings to get wad u really want...even if it's things close to u..or if it's things dat mean alot..for the greater good to gain some form of achievement.. (can be in a bad sense..or a gd sense..but we are talking abt positive and morally upright behaviour..no crusades after this yea..) and since we are all brought up in a comfort zone..we juz stick to this country to spend the rest of our lives...wad we know not off is dat..we can cross boundaries..and life cud possibly be better elsewhere..or perhaps..life elsewhere cud be the life we all want..but we do not even think abt it...and it is cast in stone..

when u play the see -saw with a really huge and enormous fatass bitch... there is no see saw....



only catapults..



I feel in singapore..wad happens..or any major consideration the government makes..we lose..cus it's always win for government..and loss on our side..how much we lose..is juz a matter of time.. perhaps..in any decision..there's always a factor of loss... juz how much are u willing to lose.. pyrrhic perhaps? even if u win?

Why do performers become great? cus they didn't give a shit abt wad the world thought of them and they lived in their own fantasy...and reality..juz wanting to do their thing.. if dat's the case..are they autistic too?..maybe everyone is..it's juz how severely autistic we are..so y put the autistic people down..

when hitler did the nazi salute...it was the same as a dog trainer commanding a dog to sit..hmmm..how applicable...

back to life being a sum of all choices..we all have to be thankful for the shit we put up and caused over the years that land us to this state... regrets anyone?

sleeping 8 hrs a day means u've slept 1/3 ur life away...shit..now we REALLY needa get a life...

i had a choir presentation today..but my hair was spiked..such dat i looked like a dragonball z character...and the church was like..giving me weird looks..weird them..they used to look down on me cus i always played wrong notes when i played church hymns..(who the hell plays church hymns when they are in army)...but now..it's ownage..and they have zipped it shut...

we can make a difference.. however life sucks..we have to stick to our mantra and wad we have set out to do..we have to do it with conviction and passion.. and remind ourselves dat everytime we falter or fall it's the lesson of how we get up dat's important.. cus it still points u in the direction where u're going..and the people we meet..are on their own journey too.. life is a discovery.. and discovery is all abt self...so guess where dat leads?

one more thing i have to add is..people at work give me the impression dat they think i'm childish..cus i mentioned dat before ur youth expires..it's best to try and open urself to everything and anything.. dat u want to..otherwise..there'll come a day..where u realised u haven't done much..or experienced much..vicarious experience is juz a brief feeling..not the ultimate experience..it's like a pirated good to the real stuff..

i kinda feel dat working adults seem to be dead once they have a family...they really "die"... their lives totally change.. and they complain that once they are married they can't do stuff...so i question them..y didnt u do it before u got married then..and then their reply was..time wasn't on their side..which was precisely why i told them youth expires ..though there's always a "kid in every adult"..

which drives me to conclude dat many of us do not actually spend some time on ourselves..to think..abt our lives..or think abt other things..juz think!!!...they didn't do dat..and so..they are spoonfed with info..and remain comfortable to being spoonfed..on being told not to listen to mp3s at work..i rebutted..but music keeps me awake and makes me less sleepy..besides i'm using the headphones so i wun disturb anyone...they said..it's the impression..i told them..it's the productivity...which is more important?..they were like..it's a regulation..i was like..do u believe u feel more relaxed and more alert when u listen to music..they agree..and i asked so why is there no one telling dat to the MD?...they are like..hesitant to reply..and they said..juz follow the rules and dun ask la.. which brings me to one question..in school..they tell u "no questions are dumb"..but they mock at u when u raise dumb questions.. but as adults..surely that kind of humiliation wun get u down wud dat?.. i mean..a question is a question afterall..it is a question of clarification.. and consideration.. and the best part..is dat..the act of not asking questions..juz means..we are brainless working zombies doing wadever we're told..and juz murmuring when we're unhappy but having no balls to voice it out or support a notion.. is dat why PAP keeps winning?..or is dat a fear dat we hold and feel it is necessary?

and when we ask too many qustions..people's most common reply is..there are many questions which can't be answered.. (where's the drive in finding truth?) exploration dies? wad can we discover if we do not explore?...

oh well..juz some muck i had to throw.. and i'm glad it's out..

-Elvin