Why one(insert: Malik) shouldn't be late

SMS 1 to El and Luke: Your good friend Malik has sprung yet another of his last minute nonsense. He'll only be joining us after dinner so we now have the luxury of going non-halal.

SMS 2 to Malik: I have got one piece of advice for you: come out with a damn bloody good theory about your last minute absence. It'd better be 5 star and havoc.

There is little wonder why Malik has always been at the receiving end of all slammings*, from every direction too haha! Still, lets give him some credit for the theory he produced(rather the words of Gandalf he enhanced), which was also his saving grace from further excessive slamming.

"A wizard is never late, he arrives PRECISELY when he wants to! And I am not a wizard."
-Malik the forest troll

No.1: Fuck you! No.2: But I guess its pretty havoc when juxtaposed against Luke's Plasma Tv theory bec unlike the latter which was a true life event, yours was generated out of nothing.

For the record, Malik was more than one and a half hours late for dinner. I could have watched a soccer match with that amount of time.

Here's the golden rule of this game of being late: A theory may save your sorry ass. You cannot re-use or re-cycle a theory which has been preached.

Malik you should never be late again because the slammings are now directly proportional to your nonsense and that they could rise exponentially if your bullshit persists. Also, I'm pretty damn sure that you're running out of excuses/theories/explanations, so continue to skate on thin ice with hot blades if u wish. Notice that reason has absolutely no place in the equation?

-I've just fired a warning shot so don't push your luck!

*I didn't provide examples because it's just not time to play my trump card yet.